There is a composition by Thomas Newman called Any Other Name and when it comes on I have the instant reflex to skip it. Not because it is unpleasant, but because it is so beautiful. It pushes on an ache in my soul that is always there, but most days drowned out by louder sounds (sometimes very loud ones, like my macaw, Spencer, screaming). When I say an “ache” I don’t mean a sadness, just an ache. I can’t define it as good or bad, it is simply present – real.

Something about this piece of music pulls back the curtain on the reality that life is an incredibly complex blend of hope, heartbreak, beauty, loss, expectation, and fear constantly pulsing together with each breath. And yet all this is going on beneath the surface of our daily routines, unnoticed, until a song like this allows it to breach.

I love music. Even terrible music, if it gives me a certain feeling, I will crank it up and sing along (the singing occurs privately of course). While I have zero musical talent, I do pride myself on having eclectic, good musical taste (those who can’t do, download). But I have no standards when it comes to songs that came out between 1997 -2007. I pretty much adore them all. From Modest Mouse songs I proudly allow to drift out my open car window, to one’s that I still play, very loudly, in the confines of my hermetically sealed vehicle by Nickleback. The windows start going up real quick when I approach a yellow light with that one on.

To fully illustrate how serious I am about liking anything in that period of time, let’s take LFO’s Summer Girls. It is the lyrical equivalent of watching an oil truck hit an overpass. While horrifying, you can’t help but be mesmerized, and once you think you have seen the worst part…it explodes.

New Kids On The Block
Had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it’s fly
When girls stop by
For the summer …
Macaulay Culkin wasn’t home alone
Fell deep in love but
Now we ain’t speaking
Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton…

There was a good man
Named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby
When you’re near
When I met you
I said my name is Rich
You look like a girl
From Abercrombie and Fitch…

I mean, what on earth happened there? Were these lyrics composed during a Listener Limerick Challenge inspired drinking game? Was it plagiarized from an ESL homework assignment on American culture? Was it a litmus test by music execs to see how badly a song could be written and still become a chart topper? Maybe we were all too distracted trying to figure out how much Sun-In it took to get the lead singer’s highlights neon yellow that we didn’t notice the lyrics in 1999? I am honestly curious.

Whatever happened, it worked. I still LOVE IT. It makes me feel like I am 13 years old with my only concern being which parent I had to convince to give me a ride to the movies. That is the power of music. It is our only true time machine. You can travel backward, or forward, and sometimes, in the case of songs like Any Other Name, you can hit pause on time and watch the many pieces spinning around in chaotic orchestration that make up our lives – compose our time here.

Today I decided to listen and take a moment to be still. Not distracted by securing the future, or revisiting the past. Just looking at things now, just as they are. Listening to my life.

Sometimes the ache needs to be acknowledged. Listened to without fear or judgment. I am learning that taking these moments isn’t just useful, they are necessary. But for a long time I have avoided them because I believed, incorrectly, that something that evoked any emotion other than a distracted “happiness” was to be fixed, controlled. I am learning now that the real strength to proceed boldly toward the future, and appreciate the past without biases comes from these moments of taking a breath, of acknowledging the score beneath the noise.