Thoughts On This & That | retiring perfect...

Acceptance, Authenticity, comparison, parenting

On homemade Valentine’s cards. It seemed like a good idea at the time…

Crinean

I hate Valentine’s Day. Earlier in our relationship, when my husband would tell me it was a made-up holiday, this used to annoy me, “how unromantic” I would think. Now, I am in complete agreement. This is because what Valentine’s Day does not bring in jewelry, it makes up for by highlighting in spades my

Alcoholism, Contemplation, Faith, family, Humor, Isolation, parenting

On the Fun Subject of Tears… how I hated them, begrudgingly learned to accept them, and now live peacefully with them (like the lady on top of this weird image).

Crinean

I used to be a person who did not cry. People who don’t cry take great pride in their parched tear ducts as if the absence of appropriate emotional response is some Olympic accomplishment setting us apart from mere mortals, and not what it actually is: a sign of severe compartmentalization of feelings, likely the

Uncategorized

…An exploration into my own personal definition of insanity.

Crinean

Some have said I have a tendency to overcommit. A mentor once made the observation regarding my proclivity to refuse the acceptance of my own limitations that when I set a goal I go blind to my limitations. Here are a few examples: Once I say I am going to do something I believe fully

Acceptance, Faith, Self Discovery

We All Have A Chronic Pain Condition: Life

Crinean

After sharing an essay on my battle with a chronic pain condition, I was on a Facebook group for women who share the same diagnosis. One of the members posted some advice she recently received from her psychologist, a specialist in chronic pain, regarding acceptance: “She [psychologist] suggested I come to terms with, and be

Isolation, Self Pity

The Danger In “They”

Crinean

I find when I catch myself using the word “they”, or worse yet, “everyone” I have slipped into a dangerous spot. Slid down the slope into self pity. Gotten turned around on the moor of self-delusion. This is victim verbiage. Language used to isolate myself in the deception that no one else has pain as

90s, childhood, Contemplation, nostalgia, Self Discovery

The Score Beneath The Noise

Crinean

There is a composition by Thomas Newman called Any Other Name and when it comes on I have the instant reflex to skip it. Not because it is unpleasant, but because it is so beautiful. It pushes on an ache in my soul that is always there, but most days drowned out by louder sounds

Christianity, Faith, Self Discovery

Nostalgia Without Emotional Pruning.

Crinean

It has been 3 years since I posted. So, I think that makes me an official failed blogger. But I am back, and they say how you finish is more important than how you start. I have many excuses for why I stopped blogging, I will spare you the details but I can summarize by

90s, childhood, Home Sickness

I Miss My Inflatable Chair…

Crinean

The further into adulthood I venture (I am now, ever so slightly, closer to 40 than 20) the more often I experience painful moments of nostalgia. Often these episodes hit in the midst of a crazy week when waking and crashing back in bed hemorrhage together and I have no sense of my life outside

Uncategorized

Even Rascal Flatts Has Mice…

Crinean

We have a mouse problem. We found a baby mouse in the guest bedroom. Alex painstakingly worked to trap it and then it was driven to another neighborhood where it was humanely released. The dogs found a mouse too, and well, let’s just say they didn’t volunteer to deliver it safely to the great outdoors.

parenting, sick child

The Elusive Quest For “Normal”

Crinean

When I was a kid I made a promise to myself that when I grew up I would have a “normal” life. I defined normal as a life with a happy marriage, a career I liked, and eventually kids (healthy ones, obviously). We would do family trips, have hectic schedules, and a few unavoidable setbacks

parenting

How NOT To Jump Off A High Dive…

Crinean

You know what’s really hard to do when you are a Type A personality? Not be a Type A personality. As I mentioned in my last post I am on a journey of letting go of some perfectionist leanings. It is feeling more like having my fingers pried one by one off the edge of

Friendship

Mining Gold & Polishing Silver

Crinean

A very long time ago I was a Girl Scout, technically a Brownie. I wasn’t very good at it. I felt anxious selling the cookies and I wasn’t interested in camping. But I took two important lessons away from my brief period wearing that ugly vest with primary colored badges: 1. Leave a place better

Self Discovery

Confessions Of A Cortisone Junkie

Crinean

If this blog were a houseplant, it would have joined the ranks of many, many shriveled flora formerly in my charge now enjoying the afterlife in what I can only hope includes maintained pots with just the right watering and sun exposure. Thankfully, this blog is like a cactus (although some of those have also

Christianity, parenting

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

Crinean

At our local zoo there is an indoor exhibit called the Unseen New World where you can see sapphire blue poison arrow frogs, velvety bats, iguanas, armored turtles and other jewel-like creatures in pristine habitats. On our way in the exhibit during our latest trip I overheard a mother expressing ambivalence to her friend that

Christianity, Faith, family

Leaving Spectre

Crinean

We traveled back to Fredonia. My great aunt passed away so we returned to my family’s town to pay our respects. It is a trip that will stay with me forever. Her service had good attendance, but there were still many seats empty at the funeral home, for it is a small community, growing smaller

Christian Subculture, Christianity, Faith

Breaking Out of the Biodome

Crinean

I am going to start this post with a disclaimer. I am touching on a sensitive issue, and while I will express my opinion, it is only that. An opinion. I am absolutely not claiming that it is accurate or fair. In fact, I suspect it is neither. Honestly, I am still really in the

Christianity, Faith, Humility

Typos: a.k.a. “The Log In My Own Eye”

Crinean

I hate typos. And yet, if you are a regular to my blog you probably think I love them. They appear everywhere. Sometimes I write “payer” for “prayer” or a really embarrassing one was when I suggested we pull back on the “reigns.” Yeah, that one was bad. I write a post and then I re-read

Dependency

Somersaults To Distract From Drowning

Crinean

I was at dinner a few nights ago with a dear friend who is a nurse. Just off her shift, she was still wearing her scrubs. We were having a delightful time getting caught up. There are few things more precious than a childhood friendship that has weathered the ever-changing ebbs and flows of life.

motherhood, parenting

Parenting Reality Check 101: No Sick Days

Crinean

When my husband and I got engaged and started premarital counseling we were told that nothing shows you how selfish you are like marriage. We will soon celebrate our 8th anniversary, and honestly, I have not found that to be true because I married a very selfless man with a servant’s heart. Since, for the

Christianity, Faith, writing

An Afternoon In Art

Crinean

How has week 2 of blogging gone? Not great. I have been in a creative ditch. I debated topics but nothing seemed worth the time (mine or yours). The more effort I put into coming up with something fresh, the staler the ideas became. After several unsuccessful post attempts, I spent my time watching a

Christianity, parenthood, solitude

The Wall Had It Coming: Spiritual lessons from an ice storm

Crinean

Nashville is under a sheet of ice. I have not left the house in… actually, I’ve lost count… a long time. Okay, it isn’t that bad (yet). There have actually been a few exciting and even comical moments. Severely cutting my finger on a can and having to Gorilla Glue it back together falls in

Christianity, Faith

Let’s Get Philosophical, Philosophical…

Crinean

Ah, the ultimate question. And after doing a quick internet search for my name, I found an answer: According to profileengine.com, I am a person of “no measurable influence.” What I found amusing about this discovery is a.) how happy I look sitting there next to a pronouncement of my irrelevance and b.) the option Profile

Christianity

“Blessed”

Crinean

On a sunny afternoon last week, on a run through a beautiful neighborhood, I noticed a shimmering Cadillac with a vanity plate that said “Blessed.” Now, as a disclaimer, I have absolutely no idea what the thinking or personal meaning of this plate is for the owner. But for illustration purposes, I thought it